Free Bacon Upgrade

I just got back from the dentist (just a cleaning) and I have to tell you, the periodontist or whatever she’s called (the lady who actually cleans my teeth), that’s someone who is great at talking!

And what’s amazing about her is that she can have a whole conversation without you responding in any way.

“How’s work going?” she begins, though she knows you can’t answer with anything more than a shrug and an “Unh.”

Then she launches into her daughter’s college graduation. How she just moved back home. She doesn’t have a job yet. She lost her shoes in the move back home. “I’m lucky I haven’t had to update my resume in thirty years.” In her day, you used to line up a job senior year of college, you didn’t wait to move back home before you start looking.

My responses were a series of “hm,” “unh,” and “uh huh”‘s.

I think my technique of actually listening to the other person and having a two-way conversation is more satisfying. But she must be used to droning on and never getting any response.

After the cleaning, I stopped at a new salad place where you check boxes next to a list of ingredients and they make the salad to order. I noticed there were two bacons listed. So I asked the pretty, young salad-maker what the difference was.

She said one was bacon bits and the other was real bacon. I said, “Why would anyone choose bacon bits over real bacon?”

She said the real bacon was more money.

I said, “I don’t care if it costs a hundred dollars. I want the real bacon.”

So she made my salad and when she rang me up, she whispered, “Free bacon upgrade.”

I looked around conspiratorially and put my finger to my lips in a “shh” motion. Then I put the $1.50 change in the tip jar.

Before I left I said, “I will think of you when I eat this bacon, and I mean that in only the most innocent way possible.”

She laughed and I went back to work to eat my salad.

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4 Responses to Free Bacon Upgrade

  1. NoAmbition says:

    Excellent point about the hygienists …

    My hygienist is gorgeous (the dentist who runs the place apparently only hires models who couldn’t make it to the yogurt/muffin shops of LA), so I do my best to listen to her babble (fighting not to get lost while I stare at her incredible face) and then try to blurt out all the answers to her myriad questions when I get the “You can rinse” permission.

  2. vitokovc says:

    I’ve been reading your blog lately and get really interesting in the whole idea of the project. And started follow you in twitter. But as you can see I’m actually catching up reading from the start. Read the manifesto first, then the last entry about Michelle a.k.a. Elevator Girl and then start reading from the beginning, not sure if it was the best idea. But at this point I feel the need to comment something.

    When I was reading the story about the dentist I remembered that it happened to me all the time (had to use bracers). But now I wonder Do they talk about the same exact thing to every patient they have that day? or the life of a dentist is so interesting that they have a different story to all of them?

    Anyway, good luck. I’ll keep reading.

    P.S.1 I’m sorry if my english its not grammatically correct but is not my first language and have no one to practice the writting or talking. I’m a good listener and reader though.
    P.S.2 I hope you are honest, and this blog and the project is sensire. The last blogs I just to read ending up being part of a psycology project or someone who wanted to write so invented a character without telling the readers, what i’m saying is that is dissapointing when your found out staff like that.

    • I know! How do they keep talking all day long??? It would be funny if they made a bunch of note cards every night for topics they were going to discuss the next day.

      P.S. This is not a psychological experiment, though it would be cool if it were like the one in Firestarter so you could get ESP or pyrokinesis.

      • Rachel says:

        I was an Ultrasound Technician at a Chiropractic office and everyday, multiple times a day, it was me in a room with a half-naked stranger.
        I would always try to create organic discussions but for those tough patients I’d have topics that I would think of beforehand. It was sort of like note cards. I wish I had enough social patience to come up with original material for every patient but after Patient #35 on a Wednesday, I’d rather not think and just regurgitate what I already discussed with Patient #1-34.

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