Carver Carver

Okay, one last post about Vegas and then I’ll move on to current events.

Chloe and I ate the buffet at Planet Hollywood on one occasion (it had to be done) and it’s always amazing to see the spread of food they have. It’s as if someone asked, “What kind of food should we have in our buffet?” and then a big fat tycoon laughed diabolically and said, “All of them! Ha ha ha ha!”

Anyway, we split up since Chloe is a vegetarian and I went to the prime rib station. There I saw a chef guy in a big white hat slicing pieces of prime rib to order. And on his chest was a tag that read, “Carver.”

I actually flinched for a second, confused, and just instinctively blurted out, “Is ‘Carver’ your name or your job description?”

“It’s my name. How would you like your beef, sir?”

“Wait. Sorry for being so nosy, but is it your first name or your last name?”

“My first name. Would you like it medium rare or more well done?”

“So your parents named you Carver and you got a job as a carver. Isn’t that weird?”

“You’re holding up the line, sir.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll take a rare piece please.” But I couldn’t stop myself. “Do you think they assigned you the carving station because of your name, like as a joke?”

“Here’s your prime rib, sir.”

He placed the slice on my plate and that was it. He turned to the next customer and made it clear that he wasn’t going to be talking to me anymore.

On the way back to the table, I reminded myself that people have had their names their whole lives and it’s next to impossible to think of anything clever to say about it that they haven’t already heard a million times. Still, it did occur to me that if he married Shia LaBeouf, he’d be Carver LaBeouf.

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One Response to Carver Carver

  1. NoAmbition says:

    Beef Carver … that’s good.

    Query pertinent to the point of this blog: why do you think the guy wasn’t engaging you? Was it because he’s sensitive about his name, or does he just not talk to people (pretty girls excepted, as always) when he’s doing his work? Your lines were pretty good and not intimidating, so what kind of knife sharpening stick was up this guy’s poop chute?

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